Plotting
by Lady Tanarion
Summary: The pretty pair was planning a perfectly powerful plot, to provide the pure Lieutenant's heart be placed in proper hands.


All belongs to the mouse.

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Pairing: Jack/ Norrie, Groves/ Gillette, Jack/ Groves, Norrie/ Gillette. 

Rating: PG-13

Summary: The pretty pair was planning a perfectly powerful plot, to provide the pure Lieutenant's heart be placed in proper hands.

Warning: Slash and very citrusy moments.

Author: Tanarion

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Plotting

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"I don't believe it. That- that _pirate_ is _flirting_ with the Commodore!" 

Second Lieutenant Groves took a sip of his wine, giving his friend a wry look. "Captain Sparrow flirts with everyone." He swept his gaze across the hall to where the aforementioned pirate was accosting their superior officer. Norrington did not look pleased.

_Poor James_, he thought. _First Elizabeth getting married, and now Sparrow at the reception._

His companion, the first Lieutenant, gave an angry huff. "Why did he have to come?" Gillette complained.

"He was invited, Andrew. It _is_ the Turners' wedding. Look- he's leaving James. That should make you happy."

"But now he's coming over here!"

The pirate sauntered- there was no other word for it- over to where the two officers stood and draped an arm over each of their shoulders. "Fine evenin', eh gents?"

Gillette scowled and jerked away while Theodore Groves pretended not to notice to overly familiar action.

"Except for the company," Andrew spat.

Sparrow continued as if he hadn't heard. "Although I think the Commodore is bein' far too stiff about it all. Y' know, if he'd been a woman I think I'd 'a been slapped. As it was, I bet it was only the 'high society' audience that kept 'im from taking a fist to my jaw."

Groves raised a very polite eyebrow. "Commodore Norrington is well versed in self-restraint."

Snickering, the pirate agreed, "That he is," and leaned more comfortably against Theodore. "Still, 's a real shame it's not him bein' the groom. I was rooting for him."

Gillette snarled and stalked off, muttering.

Sparrow tilted his head. "He's swearing at me in French," he stated, then looked slyly over to his companion. "Aren't you folks s'posed to be at war with his type?"

Calmly sipping from his wine, Groves replied, "Once, on our way to London, the Commodore went about an entire week speaking nothing but French- he's fluent, you know. Very handy." The pirate blinked, confused at the turn of the conversation. "None of the crew minds if anyone drops into a little French," he continued. "In fact, there are enough of us that would take exception to anyone who made a bother of it."

Sparrow recoiled away from him in mock fear. "Is that a threat, lad?" He actually seemed delighted rather then offended.

Theo smiled blandly. "Just a statement of a fact."

"My, you're a cool one." The other man chuckled.

"I have my moments, Captain Sparrow."

"Never doubted it for a moment. 'N if I understand correctly where this is going, y' can call me Jack."

Groves thought about it for a moment, then replied, "My name is Theodore." He grinned and added, "But you can call me Theo."

"Charmed, I'm sure."

"Likewise." They stood watching the crowd of the Turners' well-wishers for a moment. "We _have_ danced around in polite conversation long enough, don't you think?"

"Interminably. The good Governor has a few guest rooms, doesn't he?"

Theo's eyes sparkled. "Of course. There's one just up the stairs by the kitchen."

"Do y' think he'd mind if we borrowed it for a bit, Theo-my-lad?"

"The Governor has always been very hospitable."

* * *

The moment the door was closed and locked, Jack had the Lieutenant pinned to the wall and was excavating the other man's tonsils with his tongue. Theo's hands scrabbled to get clothing off, fumbling over the buttons on Jack's velvet waistcoat. Jack tried to get off the young man's vest and broke off, cursing. "Bloody laces! Need t' get 'em off, get 'em off… where's my knife?" 

"Don't you dare, Jack! I've little enough finery without you destroying it all." He brushed Jack's hands away to handle it himself, while Jack nibbled on the Lieutenant's jaw and dragged his tongue across the line of his throat. "Jack!" Theo tried to sound reproving, but couldn't hold in a laugh. "That tickles."

"Oh?" The Captain's eyes glinted.

Eventually the clothes were discarded and they made their way to the bed. Theo shoved the pirate onto the goosedown mattress and crawled on top of him. Their mouths clashed together again, tasting each other, as hands roved to find sensitive spots.

Parting to breath, Jack said, "I've- we've nothing to use." Theo smirked and sat back on the pirate's hips. "…Or do we?"

The Lieutenant grinned and fished for his trousers below the bed. "Here!" He came back up with a small flask of oil.

"Prepared, aren't we?"

"After one of these parties, I usually have to console Andrew."

"Is that so?" Jack broke off into a gasp when an oil covered hand curled around his shaft, slicking it.

"I have to say," Theo mused as he sank onto Jack, taking him in inch by inch, "it would be nice to have someone call _my_ name for a change."

"I'll be happy to oblige," the pirate replied in a strained tone.

* * *

About an hour later, they lay tangled together in a post-coital heap. "Definitely _not_ a eunuch," Jack murmured. "Private joke," he explained at the younger man's raised eyebrow. "So what's this about the First Lieutenant?" 

Theo groaned. "It's not just him, it's the both of them! James- the Commodore- is heart broken over the new 'Mrs. Turner' and Andrew is heart broken over _him_ and the both of them are so noble and self-sacrificing they pretend nothing is wrong!"

Jack nodded in sympathy. "That's a bit of a tangle."

"You think?" the Lieutenant retorted sarcastically. Then he sighed. "At least Andrew has me to relieve the tension, I suppose. I wonder if James has anyone…"

"Yes, I wonder," Jack commented with an odd note in his voice.

Theo sat bolt upright, nearly rolling the pirate off the bed. "_Jack_! You didn't!"

"What didn't I do this time?"

"You- and the Commodore!"

"...Aye?"

The Lieutenant deflated and propped his chin on a hand. "I always thought he preferred women."

"He's a navy boy. That automatically makes him part queer." Jack curled into a fetal position as Theo assailed him with a pillow. "Ow. Ow! My spleen!"

"Serves you right." The other man plopped on top of the pirate. "My, you make a comfortable pillow."

"No respect, I get no respect 't all," Sparrow muttered, but didn't sound very upset.

Theo kissed a shoulder. "So what should we do about our proud 'navy boys'?"

"'We'?"

"Something needs to be done."

"But why _us_?" Jack whined.

"No one else is going to do anything if we don't. And need I remind you that an unhappy Commodore is bad for your business?"

"'M not a pirate, technic'ly," he said, muffled against the mattress. "Letter of Marque makes m' a privateer."

Theo snorted. "Once a pirate, always a pirate. Besides, you should know by now that James take out his frustrations on the sea."

"That's underhanded of you."

"Flattery will get you nowhere. We need a plan of action, Jack!"

"How's this for a plan of action- the two of 'em use us to blow off steam, aye?"

"Ay- yes."

"Well, what happens if they don't have us?" The Lieutenant frowned, thinking about it. "An' I'll tell you what, Bonnie Will and his Lizzie are bound to go on a honeymoon cruise, and it'll be Jamie-love who's to go with to protect them from pirates. Of course, he'll want to take his trusty Lieutenantsto save 'im from boredom, if nothing else- but, sadly, you'll have come down with a fever."

"A fever?" Theo raised an amused eyebrow.

"Terribly contagious. Now, as I was saying, it's just him and Gillette- barring the rest of the crew, but they don't count in this case, of course- on a ship with two lovebirds who'll probably be shagging like rabbits whenever they get the chance. Tensions galore, and they're bound to explode. Problem solved."

"Just like that?"

"Few bugs to work out, of course. 'S how plans always are."

"I suppose it could work."

"Of course it'll work. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, 'n my plans always work! ...Eventually. Anyways, problem solved. Let's go to bed."

"But 'anyways' isn't a word," Theo protested sleepily. "It's 'anyway'."

"Just for that, I'm stealin' the covers."

* * *

A few weeks later Port Royal saw the passing of a few odd notes.

* * *

_To Theodore Groves,_

_I'm sorry, but I'll have to cancel our get-together next week. Something important has come up, and I can't miss it!_

_Sincerely,_

_Andrew Gillette_

_P.S. Would you mind lending me the use of those massage oils you found in Singapore? I seem to have a very stiff back. It must bethe new shoes._

_

* * *

_

_Jack_

_I'm afraid I won't be able to make it to our next meeting. Plans have been made and there is an important meeting coming up that I need to be at. I'm sure you'll find someone- thing. Something to occupy you (bloody ink)._

_James L.N._

_

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_

_Theo-my-lad,_

_The plan worked like a charm! (may have been the gypsy in me) The Commodore seems to have dropped me like a hot brick for the little Lieutenant (perhaps not so little, if he attracts Jamie so). In any case, our problem is solved._

_Out of curiosity, are you doing anything on Easter?_

_C.J.S._

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_

_Dear Jack,_

_I shall endeavor to do my best not to doubt you again. Andrew's floating on air, and the both of them barely notice I'm alive! The two of them are almost worse than the Turners. As for Easter, I'm actually off duty on that day and the two after it. Originally Andrew and I had plans but he, of course, has left me behind in favor of their 'secret' tryst. I'll probably be bored out of my mind, alone, the entire time..._

_Theo_

_P.S. Madison Lane, the house with the orange tree, third window from the left and I'll keep the shutters open._

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